I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
