Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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