I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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