oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize