weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
