Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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