Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
