Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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