How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
