Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
