Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Randomize
