I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
