I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
