Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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