she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
