you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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