Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
