please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
