i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
