You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
it hurts more in the daytime
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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