I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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