Dude my mom stole all your condoms
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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