dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
