He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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