remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
