do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
