I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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