it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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