My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
