who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
