yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
