just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
