mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
