I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
