sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize