I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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