3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
