I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Can Purell be used as lube?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
