Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
