it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I am one with the molecules
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize