dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
