I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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