4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
