i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
