I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
