I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
