So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why do cheetos always look like penises
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
