Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
