i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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