WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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