Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
