just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
