After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
