I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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