Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
