It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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