He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
