That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
