He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think your dad took our porno
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
