Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
