Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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