how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
