Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
