i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize