i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
