my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
