Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
