Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
