At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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