just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
