the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just cut my nipple shaving
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
