She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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