We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize