It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
