Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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