You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
