i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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