my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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