hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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