I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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