i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
