We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
you inspire me to be a worse person
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
