She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
