i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
