So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
