hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
