so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize