i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i've created a new STD.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
