You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
