one two three fourrrrnication!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
