I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
