dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
