I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
