I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Randomize
