did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
