I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
